Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. It’s anonymous!
Dear Good Job,
I started a new job about a year ago, it’s the best move I have ever made professionally and got my work-life balance. My issue is I don’t know how to dress appropriately for my level of seniority.
I’ve never had an executive-level job before! In my past jobs, I always wore heels, jeans, and a sweater or blouse usually with a cardigan over. On my first day, I wore a sort of deconstructed suit; black slacks, a houndstooth blazer, and a white blouse. That day more than five people told me variations of, “Oh you don’t have to dress like that, you can if you want but no one else does.” They were right … but only when it comes to the men.
The guys are basically finance bros. They wear slacks with those quarter zips or jeans with a button down, and they only dress up when we have board meetings. They wear hoodies and jeans on Fridays. The women, however, are a completely different story. The only two women who are at my level wear sky-high heels, pencil skirts, and fancy blouses or dresses every. single. day. Sometimes, I’ll see them in slacks on Fridays but almost never in jeans. I, on the other hand, would prefer my old uniform but I feel awkward and out of place. I am having a hard time fitting in with the dudes. I never work with the women (they’re in accounting and I’m in property management/legal) but I can’t wear the guy uniform. What is the female equivalent of the finance bro uniform?
—Finance Chick
Dear Finance Chick,
I’m not completely following what the issue is here. When you wore the deconstructed suit, people told you that you don’t have to opt for formal office wear, but then you said that the women at your level are extremely dressed up. So the issue is that you want to be less dressed up, to be like the men, but also feel like you should be dressed up, to be like the women?
This is making my head spin, so I can only imagine what it’s doing to you. Which is why my advice is to wear whatever you feel comfortable in. You’re not a finance bro, so don’t dress like one! It also seems like you’re uncomfortable wearing the sky-high heels and full-blown dresses that the other women in the office are wearing. So don’t wear them. It sounds like your “uniform” at your old job—heels, jeans, and a sweater or blouse usually with a cardigan over—would be perfect for your new job as well. It’s not too casual but also not formal.
This could also be a fun opportunity to define a whole new work style. Maybe find a couple of influencers on social media whose style you like—I recommend someone who has a corporate job, not someone who’s getting dressed every day to go to influencer events and parties—and see what they wear to the office and how they style it. I suspect that a couple of new pieces of clothing or accessories could give you the confidence to strut into the office with your head held high, and to ignore whatever comments your new co-workers might make.
—Doree
Classic Prudie
My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s and have been together for 10 months. Things have been great—he treats me very well and I feel so comfortable with him. Even my friends have noticed that I’ve been much happier and more confident since we started dating. I can see a future with him. There’s a minor issue on which I’d like to get your opinion. A few months ago my boyfriend mentioned that he shoplifts a lot of his groceries.
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